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Welcome…

to the release of my first solo album.

That’s me at around twelve, recording songs into one of my families’ most prized possessions - a Panasonic cassette player/recorder purchased at Radio Shack. I loved horses, singing, and old folk songs.

I started playing guitar at eight when my mother borrowed one from her boss and took a summer YMCA class. She lost interest but I was obsessed and never put it down.

Little did I know at the time that a lifetime of music and recording awaited me and I would use that same machine to tape my Berklee College of Music voice audition, which would launch me into a lifetime of study, songwriting, studios and performance stages.

I have done pretty much everything there is to do in music - made three albums with the duo/band Jariya that Eve Buigues and I built in LA, created film/TV music for Margaret Cho’s DVD releases and other Hollywood sync placements, built a live multi-media show with Eve that we mounted in small LA theaters, performed for fourteen years on Vegas stages, and carved out a corner in voice and instrument coaching that has generously compensated me. So it was time to finally do my own thing, and this album is the first finished endeavor.

Photo: Jack Toogood

This collection of songs are about life - the glorious, messy, intoxicating, tragic and extraordinary. The joy, defeat, challenge and triumph. LOVE.

I hope that this album will inspire you to walk slower through beautiful parks, linger gobsmacked at brilliant sunsets, savor all the things you adore and bask in the deep beauty of life that is easy to miss in this all-consuming digital age.

Thanks for being here for it. I appreciate you.

Gratefully,

Album Credits

Production, arrangement, engineering: Andrea Bensmiller

All music and lyrics, instruments, and vocals: Andrea Bensmiller

Drums and percussive loops: Brian Czach

Mastering: Mark Owen

Special Thanks

… to my wife Stefanie for supporting this album with her whole being…

my best friend Eve Buigues for endless encouragement and listening along the way…

Eve, Sharon Kearney, Bill Evans and Mark Owen for invaluable engineering advice throughout production and the mix…

Dave and Jeanne Bensmiller for putting a guitar in my hands at the age of eight. I wish you were here.

Get in Touch

Get added to the mailing list, ask me about music, or just say hey…

Listen to clips on Distrokid

Your ex moved on two years ago
Shortly after leaving
Found herself in girls’ nights out
A simpler state of being
Your name might come up in therapy
Only to say what she don’t need
Anymore
Though the months have flown
And its way past time
You’re still pathetic texting
Trying to excuse your past behavior and
Pretend you’ve done some changing
But she needs someone who treats her right
Knows her worth, won’t block her light
She’s knows she’s gold
So she’s got no time
For yesterday’s goodbyes
Or all your lies
For yesterday’s goodbyes
If you see her just keep walking by
Cause she has found her power
She is finished with just settling
Cause she knows that she’s better
She found someone who gives her time
Secure enough to let her shine
And she knows she’s gold
So she’s got no time
For yesterday’s goodbyes
Or all your lies
For yesterday’s goodbyes
This is grace facing the storm
Just won’t do it anymore
Sh'e’s not going back
Not going back
When there’s love that you deserve
And time enough to just be heard

If you see her just keep walking by
Cause she has found her power
She is finished with just settling
Cause she knows that she’s better
She found someone who gives her time
Secure enough to let her shine
And she knows she’s gold
She’s got no time
For yesterday’s goodbyes
Or all your lies
For yesterday’s goodbyes
Trapped in a tin can ten miles high over Dallas
You told me that you felt like Atlas
The world on your shoulders, the reeling of years gone
We’re so much older than we appear now
You want your freedom to her safe harbor
To wrestle her, capture her, feel like the martyr
Who never gave up on domestic love
But fights for a new heart to just feel the rush and
You know and I know
This ain’t no secret
We both been bleeding and
You know and I know
We left each other
A long time ago
We talked it out, blocked it out and
Otherwise tried too hard
Clinging to moments to get past the lies
Spent five nights in London
To walk in our fog
On the Golden Gate Ferry we don’t even talk
So you’re going home
Looks like I’m going North to Toronto
To winters much colder than ours
Filled with glass city sky scrapers
And my guitars
There’s a song in there somewhere
Won’t take but some cab fare
You know and I know
This ain’t no secret
We both been bleeding and
You know and I know
We left each other
A long time ago
You know and I know
That this thrill don’t last long
With nothing to hold onto
You see and I see
The time has just past us
We thought we’d outlast it
But let’s face the truth
Toronto’s nothing like Dallas
Nothing like Dallas
Life, life is a splendid thing
Life is a horrid thing
Joyfully blistering
And love
While making a mess of it
Brings out the best of it
Miserable happiness
And all
All of these precious things
All
All of these precious things
We hold, hold in our minds and hands
The power to comprehend
Or to demolish them
We taste
Taste of the pomegranate
And hunger you can’t forget
Mortal transcendence, yes
And all
All of these desperate things
All
All of these precious things
Are fragile, oh
Are fragile, oh
Life a beautiful canvas
A dictators desperate mess
Content in the madness
And all
All of these desperate things
All
All of these precious things
And all
All of these desperate things
All
All of these precious things are fragile
Life, life is a splendid thing
Life is a horrid thing
Joyfully blistering
And Fragile
What is this new cruel state we are living in
Doors and windows locked tight
Letting no one in
Yesterday was children laughing
football in the street just outside my living room
Nothing can compare to this bewilderment
Invisible enigma of the purest sense
something in the air just like the movies and
I’d do anything to go back just one year
Seasons come, seasons go we’ll
Bail out the boat too slow
But we will fight and we will win
And most of all
We’ll remember them

Someone come and wake us from this bad dream
Too many just taken in a blink
No respect for hours counted down in hopes of
Answered prayers and magic

To replace this tragic haunting atmosphere
To be left so quickly terrified of air
No time to be angry just be grateful
If the arms of chance are fateful for your

Seasons come, seasons go we’ll
Bail out the boat too slow
But we will fight and we will win
And most of all
We’ll remember them
We’ll remember them
We’ll remember them
Here under the neon lights
Her eyes can sparkle to hide the pain
Days blend into endless nights
Drinking in rooms where they know her name
And boys want to have her
Boys want to be her
Leave all their scars behind
Be as they see her
She’s got the time to waste
And her mama taught her
To flash them that halcyon smile
Blurred just one more song request
Nobody minds cuz the joint’s a dive
Just another Tuesday night
Here on the edge of staying alive
And girls want to have her
Girls want to be her
Leave all their scars behind
Be as they see her
If you have the time to waste
Years in this empty space
Will give you that halcyon smile
Tick tock and the numbers spin
Trading the spaces like checkerboards
A quick blink and she's fifteen in
Lines on a face that now gets ignored
Men try to hold her
Keep and control her
Blurred by the alcohol
They barely know her
There goes the girl
With the big sparkly future whose
Trapped in that halcyon smile
She has a way about her
She was like winter one second
And summer the next
It’s like the cosmos found her
Threw her to earth
Stardust around her
But four walls took it all
She’ll be a phantom
Haunting this tavern
Ink on the stalls where the
Old paint has shattered
She was the girl
With the big sparkly future once
Trapped in that halcyon smile
There goes the girl
With the big sparkly future who
once had that halcyon smile
Where is the girl
With the big sparkly future who
Once had that halcyon smile
In the years I never sang
The melodies were all wrong
And absent harmony so went the song
Another love to see its end
Another heart in disrepair
Every New Years’ silent simple prayer
In the silence I cleared space
And prayed that you existed
Made a list of what I’d missed before in love
Always something new under the sun
But loneliness won’t be outrun
While you’re waiting endlessly for your someone
All the gurus said that faith would eventually show her
She was no doubt out there
In space and time
So I waited for you,
did what I had to
Filled my days with music
Closed and locked the door,
But left the porch light on
And in the silence I cleared space
And prayed that you existed
Made a list of what I’d missed before in love
When the picture’s incomplete
Life is oh so bittersweet
While you’re waiting endlessly for your someone
Good at life, but not at love
Trying too hard and I know it
And also trying not to show it or my heart
Just when I had given up
And never saw you coming
There you were and you are loving
Me so much
So in my life I cleared you space
Grateful you existed
Made a list of all the things in you I love
Now the days and nights are sweet
Cause I’ve found the one who needed
Just as much as me to be my someone
Now my days and nights are filled
With love from the one who needed
Just as much as me to be my someone

Lyrics

I’ve seen the shimmer of sunlight on your face in Vegas summer
I’ve seen the twilight whisper through your hair
Walks in the morning sun through the Bronx to fetch my favorite coffee
A walk through the mansions and woods that you live near
But there’s no single phrase
That sums up the amazing
There’s just nowhere I’d rather be than here
Park Place Christmas walks with you
Laughing down 5th avenue
The Macy’s Day Parade
Chinese New Year’s Day
Lost in Central Park
Winter in New York with you
We had our Channukah online one year
Eight days in December
Covid in January, coastal from LA
Up in Lake Arrowhead, the air was clear
And the things we did together
Making up for the days we’d lost along the way
And there’s no single place
That made it more amazing
But there’s just nowhere I’d rather be with you
These gritty streets and the life under the pavement
How many feet tread with their stories sacred
Long lost to the history of the natives
This place where old meets new
We are queens having tea
serenaded by a saxophone playing Autumn Leaves
in the park where Alice receives her
visitors under skies deep blue
And I’m with you
Park Place Christmas walks with you
Laughing down 5th avenue
The Macy’s Day Parade
Chinese New Year’s Day
Lost in Central Park
Winter in New York with you
Your kiss open and deep,
I’m losing sleep under this
Desert sky
No no no no holds
In motions of bliss
All these secret trysts are
Setting my soul on fire
Don’t you go no don’t you leave me here
Where you should be is neither here nor there
Call in and tell them you won’t be in
Cause we’re not going anywhere
Look at me look at the state that you have left me in
Fell in the deep end and now I’m up to my chin
I’ll accept even the terms of original sin
To stay in this heaven
Don’t just leave me like this
With unfinished business
The drench of your skin, the love I am in
As hot as the sun
I’m not too easily impressed
But your hands do me justice, I guess
Just yours to take
And illuminate
You are my one
If I’m trying not to hide
I’m mystified
By your silhouette and mine dancing
No no no no place to be
And moonlight’s the one guarantee
That we will stay entirely enchanted
Leaving lipstick on you here and there
Chocolate kisses and vanilla hair
We could stay here for another year
I wouldn’t even notice
Look at me look at the state that you have left me in
Fell in the deep end and now I’m up to my chin
I’ll accept even the terms of original sin
To stay in this heaven
Oh don’t you leave me like this
With unfinished business
The drench of your skin, the love I am in
As hot as the sun
Just yours to take
And illuminate
You are my one
Life is a shifting sand
Pulling you in again and again
Dragging you here and there
When the screen gets the best of you
You know it’s true,
you need a break from the drama
You gotta take your time and think things through
Nobody knows what’s behind their curtain
Life in the phone couldn’t be more cruel
And you should know…
Nobody tells you that
This life is grand
That there’s time to breathe
Toes in sand
That it’s day by day
Cause life is full
Of fakes and fools
Better living through
Every day well thought
Cause you’ve got time
And you will find the path
To your best life
Staying hopeful, strong
Honest and free while
Basking in reality
These are the best of times
But don’t you believe all you hear
As you watch the days tick by
Know that the hardest part is always
Breathing through the fear
You gotta take your time and think things through
Nobody knows what’s behind their curtain
In time they’ll see the best in you
But you should know…
Take that trip
Take a break from the circus
Solid ground with your eyes on your purpose
Turn, flip, sashay, be all you can be
Just remember that life’s not a runway
You’re far more than your dress size
Focus on the inside
Only a girl
That’s what they tell her
Not too much there
Till you meet a fella
Don’t look for purpose
We’ve got it covered
For you
You’ll cook and you’ll clean
Raise up the children
Give all of yourself
That’s how it’s always been
Stay in your lane if you know what’s good for you
But she grew up dreaming
Of being somebody
Just like her mother
Not constantly leaning
Into what they told her to
She has the hair that I’ve always wanted
Popular too, and thin as a rod
She’s got it all made
Beauty queen grace
But she’s blue, so blue
Takes it out on herself thoughts swirl like tornadoes
Cuts in the shower that won’t go away oh
She’s losing her light
Hiding from sight
Like you told her to
But she grew up dreaming
Of being somebody
Just like her mother
Not constantly leaning
Into what they told her to
This will be good for you they say
Or is it just easier for you this way
She does what you taught her
Carrying water, always carrying water
But we won’t stop dreaming
Of being somebodies
Just like our mothers
And seeking the meaning
To pass it along to our daughters
It’s not good for her, good for her, good for her
It’s not good for her, good for her, good for her
It’s only good for you
It’s only good for you
These city streets are quiet
The world has gone to sleep
Feels like we’ve been waiting for
far too long to breathe
They say in every season
a little rain will flow
But I’m still trying to focus
On all the things a life can grow
Just one blank canvas
To tell the story you choose
One chance to capture
The creation that is you
From these moments strung together
In a tapestry of song
Give them something to remember when you’re gone
Somewhere in the silence
I try to find the thread
There’s voices that distract us
There’s buzzing in our heads
Sticky points of failure
And triumphs to exchange
Try rising to the challenge even on the worst of days
You’ve got one blank canvas
To tell the story you choose
Just one chance to capture
The creation that is you
From these moments strung together
In a tapestry of song
Give them something to remember when you’re gone
Jokes in the kitchen
Lemonade stitches up the anthems we sing
You gave me laughter and old cassettes
Too many deep regrets for arguments that sting
Religion and politics still test the best of us
There’s anger on the news
But life isn’t just the days spun by
It’s miracles and a giant sky
A chance to be your cosmic truth
One blank canvas to tell the story you choose
One chance, to capture
The brilliance that is you
From these moments strung together
In a tapestry of song
This is something to remember
Something to remember
Something to remember when I’m gone
Fill my life with photographs
Faces, place and time
Take my hand, and don’t give it back
Join your life and mine
All the things that we will see, the people that we know
Are the cast of this odd movie in a story yet to grow
Building scene after scene in locations still unknown
You can’t write this crazy slideshow
Filled my life along the way with lessons well defined
The hard comes easy and easy’s always late
But the scenery keeps changing right on time
There is dialogue unknown
Sometimes fighting for the win
And it’s late to learn but I’m gonna conquer the next scene that I’m in
Take it all in stride and don’t forget to smile
You can’t write this even when you grow
You can’t write this crazy slideshow
Fill my life with photographs
Faces, place and time
Take my hand, and don’t give it back
This is our story
Our memory masterpiece
Every moment, every slide
This is life
This is life
This is life

Performances

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COMING SOON
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COMING SOON
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COMING SOON